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I can have up to 5 or 6 (or 10!) tables at a time.  If I can’t get to you right away, this is why.  I will try my best but you have to help me out sometimes.  
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For one thing, I have it balanced in a way that allows me to control it.  If you take something off it then there may be a chance that everything on it will be on you shortly after.  Also, just because you need that water doesn’t mean it’s meant for you.  I have other tables.  When you take it, it requires me to make another trip to get another water for the table who actually ASKED me for the water and wasn’t rude to take it without asking.
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If you tip me poorly, even if I’m single and you’re cute, just don’t even bother.  You obviously didn’t like me that much. The young lady who suggested this got left a $2 tip and a number, needless to say that situation didn’t end up in a date! Another from Reine-des-couers, but it’s true! 

Tips! Tips! Tips!

I just saw this website & had to share it with my followers.  A few are funny (like the person who put the pi symbol instead of writing $3.14), some are aggravating (who the heck tells someone to lose weight?!) and one is absolutely mind-blowing and jealousy making (See how much Donald Trump tipped a man on an $83 bill!!) Speaking of, if Donald Trump wants to come to my restaurant please do.  I could really use the financial aid for nursing school!

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It’s ironic that this one and 59 are put together, but they fit.  Just because I’m helping out my co-worker doesn’t mean I have time to take care of their tables every need.  If you need food or drinks rang in especially, just ask for your server.  If you tell me it’s likely not to get done or done wrong because I haven’t been taking care of you.  Also, don’t ask for ranch when I drop off your food, then ask for a diet when I bring the ranch and then ask for more chips when I bring the diet.  I’ve made 3 trips to your table and you aren’t even tipping me.  Ask for things at once or ask your server (Who has been there since my first trip).
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I know that you are busy trying to make money off your tables, but if your co-worker is “in the weeds” lend a helping hand.  In fact, if you always are helping there is no reason anyone should ever go down.  The truth is, the table that they are taking care of is just as important as the one you are taking care of and your co-workers will help you if you help them. Thanks Reine-des-couers for the suggestion for this & #60!
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This phrase irritates me.  Servers are suggestive sellers.  Instead of “What can I get you to drink?” which is almost always followed by “Water with lots of lemon and sugar so I can make my own lemonade” try something more creative.  I use: “Can I get you started with an ice cold Bud Light, Perfect Magarita or a refreshing Strawberry Lemonade?” BAM. I just sold 4 Strawberry Lemonades, a Raspberry Magarita and a Bud Light.
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I don’t know where it was written that if you don’t get your way you get free things, but they lied.  If I tell you there is going to be a charge for onion rings instead of fries, do not insist I give you free dessert.  If I explain that we can only put 2 oz. of alcohol in your drink, do not demand that I buy you your next one.  
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If you have a gift card or coupon, common courtesy is to tip on the original bill.  If your original bill is $50 and you have $25 in gift cards, the tip should be at least $7.50 not $3.75 (which is less than 10% on a $50 dollar bill).
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Apparently I didn’t explain this right the first time I posted so here goes: If you DON’T have a medical problem and you make it up just so you get your food out faster, you are a tool.  If you DO have a medical problem, please let me know but again, don’t expect that I can create miracles and get your food out immediately.    You are in a restaurant and normally it takes 15-30 minutes after you’ve sat down to get any food.  If you are aware you blood sugar is dangerously low, ask for something that will bring it up quickly.  This is the one exception for me to expecting free things. I will never charge someone with a FSBS of 48 for orange juice if it is going to save their life.  

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